We are facing an unprecedented rhythm of disconnection and overall movement toward loneliness, dissatisfaction and unwelcome in many sectors of life. “We live in the most technologically connected age in the history of civilization, yet rates of loneliness have doubled since the 1980s”.1
We need each other more than ever, and yet we all feel further away and more like strangers, even in our own homes. Friendship and intimacy can feel more like a demand or a chore than a privilege so we settle for the illusion of connection.2
I believe that an intentional move towards hospitality is the antidote for this new normal we’ve slid into.
Hospitality is the act of warmly welcoming and generously accommodating guests, visitors, or strangers, with an attitude of kindness, openness, and genuine care, creating an environment that fosters comfort, inclusion, and a sense of belonging.
We are inclined to think that this will take more than it will give, but in my experience it has typically been the opposite. Hospitality is not over the top extravagance; it's more about our deliberate intentionality, consistent practice, and operating from a genuine source of warmth and welcome.
Showing Hospitality should be intentional
Firstly, hospitality should begin at home or with those closest to you. Whether you are married, have kids, or live with a roommate, intentional hospitality shown to those around you is an act of love and service. It is a tangible extension of your heart and what you value most. A warm meal, a handwritten note, or a meaningful gift puts on display one of our most treasured values — connection itself. It allows others in and brings us closer to one another. We all share more in common than we can find in difference, and hospitality allows this truth to shine. In Acts 20:35 Paul suggests that "it is more blessed to give than to receive"3, harkening back to the teachings and practices of Jesus himself. This ‘giving’ is not limited to material possessions. It also encompasses our time, attention, and love.
“Intention means every decision, from the most obviously significant to the seemingly mundane, matters. To do something with intentionality means to do it thoughtfully, with clear purpose and an eye on the desired result.”*
—Will Guidara, “Unreasonable Hospitality: The Remarkable Power of Giving People More than They Expect” 4
This practice of intentional hospitality should start with our family and friends, the people closest to us.
Our Hospitality should shine among those who know us best as well as in the eyes of strangers
In Romans 12:13, we are urged to "Share with the Lord's people who are in need. [to] Practice hospitality."5 In fact the word for hospitality here is from a Greek word, philoxenia, meaning “love to strangers” and the word practice can be translated as “pursue”6 which makes this a much more action oriented, looking for ways to show or practice hospitality, not just waiting for someone to show up.
Saint Benedict, an Italian Christian monk, writer, and theologian wrote: “All guests who present themselves are to be welcomed as Christ, for he himself will say, I was a stranger and you welcomed me.”7 Here Saint Benedict is quoting from Matthew 25v35. “I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me.”8
Hospitality in our context will manifest in many different ways, maybe as a meal organized for neighbors who recently moved to your block or building, perhaps it is a time of networking for those looking for meaningful career placement or advancement, it can even be a thoughtful letter and gift card to the checkout clerk at the market or department store you frequent. Hospitality can be anything which slows down your pace and invites others in to share what you already have or simply, as one of my favorite speaker/authors says, “love expressed as welcome”.9
The sincerity of our Hospitality is directly related to our level of Gratitude
Hospitality is a normal response of gratitude. When we are truly grateful, and we all have something to be grateful for, we offer to others what is in our hands. It is automatic and blurs the lines between host and guest. The joy of giving nurtures our generosity, while receiving from others cultivates our gratitude.
Our financial resources, skills, talents, and whatever other creative means we have to share or show hospitality are all on loan to us to use for the purpose of serving others. We are mere stewards of these gifts and how we invest them directly determines our level of return.
Likewise, stinginess, grumbling, or piety tied to our hospitality will ensure that we not only feel burdened by it but we can also settle into selfishness and become prisoner to loneliness and resentment. People will either feel welcomed by your version of hospitality or put off by it. No one wants to be a check box on your list of to do’s. We all want genuine connection and to feel welcomed and included.
When we are grateful for what we have and for who we have around us, and we express our gratitude through hospitality our world is inextricably better.
Make Hospitality a daily practice
What if we could recapture hospitality as a way of life— not a one off party for entertainment, but a consistent, rhythmic practice of our lives — that would be seen as a blessing not a burden? How would it change us? How would it change those around us? Hospitality is not just about inviting people into our homes; it's about inviting them into our lives. It's about making people feel loved, seen, and valued. It's a response of gratitude, a way to bless others, and a practice that makes us more like Jesus. In our busy, self-centered lives, let's take some time to practice the art of hospitality, for in doing so, we may just find that we were the ones “in need” in the first place.
Footnotes:
Vivek H. Murthy, "Work and the Loneliness Epidemic," Harvard Business Review, September 9, 2017, https://hbr.org/cover-story/2017/09/work-and-the-loneliness-epidemic.
Sherry Turkle, "Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other" (New York: Basic Books, 2012).
St Paul’s writings to the Ephesians, Acts 20v35, The Bible App, https://www.bible.com/bible/59/ACT.20.35.ESV
Will Guidara, "Unreasonable Hospitality: The Remarkable Power of Giving People More than They Expect" (New York: Optimism Press, 2022). https://simonsinek.com/optimism_press_books/unreasonable-hospitality/#
Romans 12v12-13 NIV, https://www.bible.com/bible/111/ROM.12.12-13.NIV
Romans 12v13 CSB, https://www.bible.com/bible/1713/ROM.12.13
“Chapter 53: The Reception of Guests." Rule of St. Benedict, translated by Timothy Fry, Liturgical Press, 1982, https://pressbooks.palni.org/ruleofbenedict/chapter/rb-53/.
Matthew 25v35 ESV, the Bible App, https://www.bible.com/bible/59/MAT.25.35.ESV
John Mark Comer, "Bridgetown Sermon Series: Radically Ordinary Hospitality," Bridgetown Church, https://bridgetown.church/teachings/eating-drinking/radically-ordinary-hospitality.